Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
