porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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