The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
