we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
