Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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