We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
