she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
