I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
barbara walters just said penis...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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