I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
do herpes really smell.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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