And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
