i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
