Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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