Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
