Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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