So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
