haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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