I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
