I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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