she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
