you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
