Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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