Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
