____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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