Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
