I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
