Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
