Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
