i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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