I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
