You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Come see our sink grown plant.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
