My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
