You made me cry and you don't even care
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
