We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
