It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
