Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
