ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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