so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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