time to smoke my breakfast
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
