ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
