You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize