my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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