I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
