Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
