I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
pray to the hookup gods
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
