I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
