He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
