Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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