Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
