I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
