so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
