So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
