this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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