I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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