careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
